Unequally Yoked?

First things first. I am a Christian. Unapologetic, a Christian. (Kirk Franklin)

We have all familiar or at least heard the scripture 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Most people interpret this has we should not marry or be in a relationship someone who is not a believer. That is true. But my new outlook on this scripture is focusing on the word "unequally" and looking for equality in all aspects.
In the past, I have not taken this scripture seriously. I’ll admit. I’ll also admit in the end my relationships and my spirit suffered. Since I have been serious about my relationship with God, I have made it a requirement, standard, deal-breaker, whatever you want to call it that any men I date have a relationship with God. The only thing with that is, nowadays so many people are professing to be a Christian and having a relationship with God, but not living like it. And we all know, your lifestyle is a true testament of your faith and commitment. If someone said they are trying to lose weight but you never see or hear of them working out, they are constantly eating junk food, fried food, fast food, and every other food that has contributed to obesity in this county, would you really believe that they were committed to losing weight? Doubt it. Same thing.
Recently, I was seeing a guy (yes ex-bff guy) who I, at first, connected with spiritually. He said he was praying and trusting God to send him his wife. He said he believed in putting God first in relationships and praying together. He said he believed that you should seek God in all your problems. So on and so on. All those things sounded real good. I thought those statements showed that this person was true and had reached a certain level of spiritual maturity. I know everyone says men tell you you want to hear in the beginning, but being the girl I am, I take everything at face value until you give me reason not to.
As our friendship/courtship developed, I began to see this persons lifestyle and actions. Actions: the biggest determining factor for, well, anything. And sure enough, his actions made me question where this person was in their spiritual walk. I was hearing him speak of doing things illegal if his job and financial situation doesn’t improve. I'm thinking a believer knows God will provide for you and meet all your needs and should trust him to do so. I understand that this walk is a process and nothing happens overnight but in the same breath we should all be striving towards greatness and believing and trusting the promises that God has clearly made for us. So finally I asked: How committed are you to your relationship with God? I got the response "I'm working on it. I have faith and I am a believer." Hmmmm......I thought.
My best friend (who is married) once told me when turmoil or rocky times hit with a guy, how he handles it would determine if the guy is husband material or not. As I said in a previous post, when my ex found out about my new relationship or more importantly who it with, things went great to worse. We got tested. “This guy” did not pass the test. When my ex, who happens to be the most immature, childish, drama-loving guy I ever met, decided to spread lots of lies, half-told stories, and false ideas to a lot of “this guy’s” friends, "this guy” really let it get the best of him. He was starting to believe people and let people define what we had. Meanwhile, I’m thinking I thought you said that you had already prayed and sought God in this unusual circumstance before you even decided to pursue me. If God truly gave you confirmation to move forward, who cares what people say when you know what God said. Do you believe people? Or do the trust the seed that God has planted in you? Most true believers will say God’s word over everything.
Moral of this story? The word unequal. Make sure you equally yoked with someone. And not just the generic area of do you believe in God? or Do you have a relationship with God? It’s easy for one to say they believe, harder to trust and have faith. It’s easy to profess things with our mouths, harder to commit to the words you are professing.. The question we should be asking ourselves Do our lifestyles equal? Do we both have high levels of trust in God. Are we EQUALLY ON THE SAME PAGE ON WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD? “This guy” was saying he was a believer and a Christian. So an essence, I was not with an unbeliever since the Bible does say once you profess with your mouth you are indeed saved. But we were not equal, thus making us unequally yoked. We were in different areas of our walk. 2 Corinthians 6:15, a message translation says “Do trust and mistrust hold hands?” I was trusting. He was mistrusting.  We shouldn’t be holding hands .

The Case of the Ex-BFF

A few months ago I decided to do the unthinkable to some people...date a friend of my ex-boyfriend.

It all started with a simple friend request on Facebook (a website which I now despise). I sent a friend request to a friend of an ex-boyfriend. Why? Simply cause I saw him on facebook, knew who he was, and added him. Nothing more nothing less. Never in a million years did I think that simple gesture would have me high in the clouds and later down in the dirt. "this guy" accepted my request and sent me a message, a simple hey how are. Our exchange of messages was very old friends catching up. He asked me about work and school. I asked him about work and school. I asked how my ex was doing (since I hadn’t spoken to my ex in over 5 months, not cause I really cared) he said that he hadn’t really seen him. At the end of our exchange he asked for my number. I ignored the request. Why? The obvious reason. I was uncomfortable giving it to him.  He sent me an instant message when I was online one night asking me did I ever send him my number. I ignored. The next day I got another message from him saying "hey did you send me your number." He was being persistent. A trait that I admire. I halfway gave in. I said my number was still the same from when me a ___was together. Thinking well if he still had it in his phone what the hell. He wrote me back saying he never saved it. Damn. I gave in and gave it to him.

When "this guy" called me the first time I didn’t answer. Looking back I wonder why I ignored his requests and advances so much. If this was just an old mutual friend what was the big deal? He called me again. I ignored him. He then decided to text me and I made up an excuse that I was on the phone and that I would call him back when I got off. Never did. He called me the next day. I didn’t answer. Finally I guess "this guy" saw I was playing games. He sent me a text saying he was simply just trying to catch up with me but saw I was playing games. He said “if you are uncomfortable I understand just tell me you don’t want me calling you and I won’t.” That made me take notice. I saw two things in this guy that I liked already. He was straight forward and persistent. After that text I called him. We talked for 6 hours that night. Yes 6!! We connected instantly. We shared the same values. The same goals. Same spiritual mind. He agreed with my thoughts on my ex. And he even told me that although my ex considered him his best friend he really didn’t consider him that good of a friend. He made me laugh. I made him laugh. I hadn’t felt a connection with a guy that strong in a long time....maybe even never....
After that initial conversation we talked for hours every day and even texted throughout the day for weeks. Everything was good. After I saw that something was growing between him and I,  I asked him what were his thoughts on telling my ex. He said he would tell him when the time was right and he didn’t see it as a big deal as long as I wasn’t doing it to get back anyone or out of spite. I told him didn’t have the time for that (check out my blog on 25: Quarter Century Crisis). Everything was real.
I was going to be in Miami the upcoming weekend and couldn’t wait to spend time with him When I did finally make it to Miami we were together every waking moment. Everything was good until... my ex became aware.

About this blog

I have finally accepted the fact that I am a writer. Whatever that means. It took me a while to accept but I finally have. However, I can only write about the things that I am passionate about.  My friends have been telling me to blog for years she would say someone needs to know your stories. And I would say I do not want my life to be someone else’s entertainment. Like this shit is real. This is real pain. Real tears.
Recently, I went through quite a bit of life's ups and downs that left me.... well.... pissed the hell off. I felt like doing things that a lot of women do when they are pissed off.  When I was talking to a good friend about how pissed off I was she told me you need to take that energy and focus it somewhere else. That statement did something. It left me wondering. I thought where I could focus my energy? This blog came to mind. I called up one of my girlfriends (who had told me in the past to blog) and told her that I was going to start blogging and to be on the lookout for it she said great but "tell your stories honestly and write like no one is reading"
So that’s what I plan to do. Share my life and share it honestly. I don’t want to treat this blog has a journal or diary. But just simply my thoughts.  I don’t care if I have 0, 2 or 2,000 readers.